Through the days..

Ryan and I have been running all over today getting things done. Although at times remodeling our home is very trying on us and our relationship-we push through it. I don't know any marriage that would not be tried when remodeling a home. It is a stressful time but yet a enjoyable and very strong bonding time. Ryan and I have not only been busy with the house, we have also both been trying to stay steady in our schooling as well as keep active in our DAV that we are involved in. It looks as though I will be taking a position in the DAVA that I am a member of.. That in its self is a stressful thought, but I am looking forward to helping out and becoming more involved. I am also thinking of writing children's books. I have been writing for a long time and very much so enjoy writing for children. We will see how that goes. Today I noticed that I don't hurt as much when I see a baby in their mothers arms. I noticed that even though Ryan and I would love to have a child of our own, that we are happy with out a baby. We do not need, it is only a want. A want to be a mother and a father. We are strong as a couple, strong as a unit, and strong within our family as it is now. At one time we wanted and felt we needed a baby to be whole, but that is not the case. Though the desire will always be there, we see that God will bless us one day, and not one day sooner then he sees fit.
Every once in awhile I will here a baby crying in my dreams, and always soon after I am either pregnant, or someone I know is. I knew my Sister-in-law was pregnant before she even did, I know when I am pregnant and I know when I am losing the baby as well.
Though I have been through 3 miscarriages and 2 false pregnancies, I am no longer bitter about them, I know God knows best always. I know he has a reason for everything and that he takes care of his children.
I don't know why I feel such a strong desire to write and help children, but I do.
Ryan has had a hard time with everything as well, and this last time when I was in the hospital with my miscarriage, I believe it was the hardest for him as well as me. We had such high hopes for the AI to work-and it did. After our testing positive and telling my family, no more then a week after we had told the family the wonderful news, like before the joy didn't last. That was a very hard time.. We have since then learned how to give it over to God and to trust that he knows best. So in my hopes to write children's books, I hope to help bring a smile to all of those mothers out there reading books to their little kiddo's and that the little kiddo's will enjoy my books as much as I have enjoyed writing them. =) Wish me luck in the book writing! And please pray for Ryan and I as we go through this remodel of our home! =)